Maybe I'm Just Tired

[Hunny]

Artist: As Tall As Lions
Song: Maybe I'm Just Tired

If love comes your way
Don't be afraid
Unlock the box your heart's encased
Hope it won't change
Beware of the games
She'll want to start playing
Oh, lately babe
I stay awake thinking this life gets lonely

I was born an accident, a near abortion the oldest of 6 children between my dad, step mother, mom, and step dad. I've been through so many scares and disappointments...and have been raised to not show my emotions and trying to be the perfect daughter and the peace keeper between my mom and dad.

I became so cold and detached from the world...I didn't love or trust anyone, I couldn't afford to be hurt. *tears up and rubs eyes* I was always angry, and I hadn't cried in years. Crying was a sign of weakness...but also I had become scarred for life after seeing my dad cry so many times in front of me. I just couldn't take it.

Well maybe I'm just scared
Scared to let you go
I want you to know
Right from hello
Your love just kept me wondering
And maybe I'm just tired
Tired of never knowing

But I know I'm not good enough
I know I'm not good enough for you
Yeah I know I'm not good enough
I know I'm not good enough for you

In 8th grade I dated this kid named Ethan from Cohoes in New York, I lived 30 min away and he had moved to where I was. We dated for 6 months, and in that 6 months I met his best friend...her name is Jeri. All we did all day was talk to each other, half the time Ethan wasn't involved in our conversations. We became best friends.... and then we met. We went to see a movie with a couple of friends.

If I can be saved
Show me the way
Help me help myself, baby
Don't be confused
Our love is true
Just tell by the way I'm looking at you

Maybe I'm just tired
Tired of never knowing

We started sleeping over each others houses and we unknowingly grew closer. Well....one day she was sleeping over my house and we went on a walk....and I admitted to her that I had been trying not to kiss her all night. She *bites lip tearing up* admitted she felt the same way. We agreed that when Ethan and I broke up, we'd try going out. Well Ethan and I broke up a few weeks later and I started going out with her.

At first people thought it was just me trying to take revenge on Ethan but it wasn't like that. She was ....amazing. She's beautiful and sweet...so innocent and shy...and understanding...soon we realized...we were in love. We shared our first kiss when my parents weren't home after a water fight.

Cause I know I'm not good enough
I know I'm not good enough for you
Yeah I know I'm not good enough
I know I'm not good enough for you

But I know I'm not good enough
I know I'm not good enough for you
Yeah I know I'm not good enough
I know I'm not good enough for you

It's been a year and 4 months since then....and this song just reminds me that I'm not good enough for her at all and I don't even know why she's still with me. *crying* I'm so ashamed I'm just so angry all the time I hit her sometimes but she still loves me and I'm so scared I'll really hurt her someday but she told me even if I started really hitting her badly she wouldn't leave me.

I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't trust myself at all I almost cheated on her but I moved recently to a different state and I miss her so much and I just love her so much and it hurts so bad. I've made her cry and I kill myself knowing that but I don't know what to do anymore we're so far away but so close at the same time and I can't live day after day trying to pretend everything is ok when nothing is right at all.

I'm scared....because I'm starting to break apart I can't hold myself together much longer... And it doesn't help that my family and everyone around me besides my best friend thinks we won't last. I'm just..so...so tired..of not knowing...what's going to happen next...what's going to upset her or make her cry....or what's going to set me off...or how I'm going to hurt her it tears me apart so much. *covers face and sobs*

[paulaugust123]

Thank you Hanny for posting video with lyrics now iam able to understand clearly